I cried a few times this week. On the bus, in a park, in my sister’s car, at my house. It was that kind of week where things hurt, people hurt, the past hurt, love hurt… And I am so thankful for the tears
I remember not too long ago when there were no tears, no feelings, just wild thoughts and shadows.
I would watch other people cry, cry over me. I saw the beauty of their hearts, their love, all I saw in myself was cold darkness and all I heard was the wild thoughts roaring in my mind churning, threatening and cursing.
“When the night has been too lonely and the road has been too long
And you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong
Just remember, in the winter, far beneath the bitter snow lies the seed that with the sun’s love, in the spring,
Becomes the Rose”
– The Rose
All of the tears that people shed for me watered the seed of life in my heart that was tucked far beneath the snow of trauma, depression, sadness, anger, fear, pride etc..
I started thinking,
Maybe I do matter, maybe I can do this thing called life, maybe I can stand with dignity
Maybe one day I will cry again and someone will comfort me and my heart will be washed clean and ready for a new day.
Maybe, just maybe I am truly loved.
“You have collected all of my tears in your bottle.” -Psalm 56:8