When I was a child I learned how to share my toys with other people. Now I am learning how to share my body with another person, which isn’t as easy as I thought it would be. Baby Li loves to wiggle and do all kinds of gymnastics just when I am ready to settle down to sleep. Baby Li needs a lot of fluid and food. Baby Li is stretching out my belly like a balloon making movement a little more challenging. Before I bought slip on shoes I was lying on my back to tie my shoe laces. Lol.
In those moments of feeling a bony baby press painfully against my side or when I go pee for the 4th time in an hour sometimes my mind gets really grumpy and irritated. I used to think how can moms get grumpy with their kids? It is so special to be a mom! And it is! But I am learning to have grace for myself. I love that my midwife assured me “you are not alone! We have all found ourselves looking for the exit plan that doesn’t exist.” So after venting my grumpy tangled thoughts I reach for celebration and think about the wonder. I drink a little more water (okay a lot more water) and figure out different ways to position myself so I don’t have to bend and take a few more pills and have a lot more blood tests and the payoff? My body has become this super incubator, feeder, provider for a little brand new life. *jab in the ribs*. A very active little life. I tell myself that I don’t have to do anything crazy or special to take care of baby right now. Just eat, sleep, drink, exercise, laugh and love and my body takes care of all the little details. That kind of boggles my mind. I can’t micromanage the process. Just surrender and wait and wait and wait (babies in my family have a habit of staying in the womb for as long as possible so although my due date is mid October I am anticipating closer to the end of the month for arrival). It is the home stretch. Almost there!
“Enjoy this season!”One mom told me, “It gets harder when the baby comes out.”
No matter what season I find myself in there is always the call to contentment. When I heard our neighbours kids screaming in their backyard for over an hour that gave me a reason to be content with a quiet contained baby in the womb. Lol.
Now is the time too to dream. Will baby have my big eyes and nose or Forest’s little ones or something in between? What will first words be? Will baby love sleeping or being awake? What will baby’s smile look like?
I am not wondering about the gender anymore because we did find out. *blush* after that Facebook post about how I was determined for it to be a surprise. I realized that the surprise is not worth losing sleep over as my mind contemplates all of the unknowns in the middle of the night. But to keep some element of surprise no hints or public announcements will be given until birthday.
I am thankful for new life because this summer I have heard of and have been invited to more memorial services than any summer before. The bible describes life here as a vapour, a mist, a flower that blooms and then fades away. Today, as I write this post Forest is at a memorial for a young friend who quickly passed with Leukaemia. We barely had a chance to get to know him before we said good bye. I am holding all of my dear ones a little dearer and as Switchfoot sings:
Life is short; I want to live it well
One life, one story to tell
Life is short; I wanna live it well
And you’re the one I am living for
Awaken all my soul
Every breath that you take is a miracle
Life is short; I wanna live it well…
Every breath and wiggle that Baby Li takes and makes, that we take and make, is a miracle. I don’t know when my home stretch of life will be when I will break out of the womb of this life and all that I see and know.
Until then I am grateful for every day.
Well, thank you dear readers for allowing me to process what is in my heart and mind. Whatever season you find yourself in may you be blessed with endurance and joy to find all of the reasons to be content in the moment.
Big Conchie feet! 😉