If you are getting tired of my naked/breast titles I understand! It’s just that this is my life right now and my posts always reflect my current life season. Eventually I will write about temper tantrums, snotty noses and big life questions from a toddler’s perspective and other cute sayings.
In the meantime, as my sweet newborn sleeps beside me this morning naked and unashamed it is…
I have always had pretty high modesty standards with clothes and actions. If my shirt ever dropped to show cleavage I would quickly yank it up. When Forest “accidentally” (he assures me it was accidental” touched my butt in the swimming pool I yanked his hand away and said “you’re not allowed until we’re married!” I was planning on having my first kiss at my wedding. Didn’t make it that far but you get the picture. While my friends undressed in pool change rooms I did a bathing suit shower. My noble reason for this modesty is that I believe my body is a gift for my husband and him alone. Another reason is that I am shy and self conscious about my body and certain events in my life haven’t helped that.
The night before I was induced I actually had the following train of thought.
All right I know I will do skin to skin when the baby comes out but how will that work? How can I be modest? I don’t want to be totally naked. Never mind the fact that everyone in the room will have just seen a baby come out of me. I know, I will get Forest to hold up a blanket while I slip down my gown and they put the baby on my chest.
Fast forward to the next day. As soon as contractions got intense clothes just got in the way and modesty was the last thing on my mind. Get this baby out! Was on my mind.
Now the baby is out and suddenly my body isn’t just a gift for my husband anymore. My husband is now second place to a little human who likes to eat all the time. A little human who doesn’t care if I forgot to bring a blanket cover to my appointment. She wants to eat. NOW! Bring out the boobs!
Hmm I don’t really know where I am going with this. That is as far as my pre- writing reflection took me. Naked and unashamed.. nakedness at least from the waist up is really the most convenient state for a mom. Never mind those fancy shirts and bras. My baby hates being naked and is sure to let me know with shouts and screams whenever I undress her but she is most happy with my state of food and cushion always being available. Sometimes I envy those mamas from deep jungle tribal movies where they are sitting by a fire with breasts hanging down in total freedom.
In the bible clothes came when nakedness became shameful in Genesis 3. Adam and Eve hastily sewed fig leaves to cover themselves. The bible says that they suddenly knew that they were naked. (3:7) How did that work? They were naked for a long time before with each other. But with one action their bare skin and vulnerability went from beautiful to shameful
Being married to Forest and having a baby is bringing me on the opposite trajectory.
My body, my needed and wanted in the most beautiful literally life giving ways. Creating and sustaining life requires nakedness and vulnerability.
Now you still won’t find me at wreck beach or running in a nude parade but if I forget my nursing cover occasionally it’s not the end of the world. Rather, it may just be the beginning.