Tidying

Our coffee table is a trap ensnaring many things- books (mostly Forest’s), clothes (mostly mine and Elaina’s), pens, paper, dishes- but never coffee

The couches also catch many treasures strewn between cushions and somehow always rumpled blankets

On a rare day in a miraculous burst of energy everything gets put in its place.

The Fort of fragmented pieces and chaos oh so briefly becomes a peaceful living room again where I can feed and play, admire art and chat, read and breathe and be still.

My mind is a trap of many things.  Fragments of memories- painful and precious, useful and harmful, fleeting and relentless.

In bursts of energy I have tidied trying to find places for the nagging regrets, wounds, fears and questions.  Well worn paths of thought.

Hours spent of wheels spinning, cycles of triggers and reactions

And so I find myself across from a counsellor again.  Sometimes once is not enough.

But like a newly tidied living room memories are finding their places and the fog is starting to clear.

There is more room in my heart to enjoy my daughter’s smiles and comfort her cries.

More room to receive my husband’s embrace and words of wisdom about money.

I never realized how heavy was the load until it started to shift.

The journey is still ahead. There are still things on the coffee table that need a home.  House cleaning is not easy.

But I am staring to truly enjoy myself again- heart, spirit, mind, body- precious gifts from God.  Handle with care.

 

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